Mother Effer

Last week I joined a gym by our house. The flyer in our mailbox stated, “$12 monthly, no initiation fee!”

I mean twelve bucks. It’s practically free. I’ve got to join.

Well, $124 dollars later I was a member.

The twelve dollar membership had time restrictions which didn’t work for me so I settled on the $19 plan. Add on the $38 initiation fee, childcare fees for three children, first and last month payments, and I was set to go.

Today I decided to try a class.

Let’s just say I should have thrown the flyer away.

5:30 – 6:30 AM Boot Camp

I arrived in the classroom to find a young woman already stretching on a mat. Half jokingly I said, “Is this the back of the class? I need to be able to hide.”

She smiled back and replied, “There’s no back. We move all over the room.”

We continued to talk for two minutes, bonding over being former teachers, until the instructor walked in.

No sooner had our instructor walked in when this woman said, “She wanted to know where the back of the class in because she’s going to need to hide.”


Lady, I’m going to meet you in the parking lot and stab you with a real knife.

5:31 – Class starts with six of us – I realize I am in deep trouble when class begins by warming up with squats
5:35 – I take my first glance at the clock
5:38 – Why am I here? I hate this. 
5:40 – I glance again and  notice sweat has begun dripping down my face.
5:43 – I am now doing the variation moves (code for “Moves for the losers in class”)
5:45 – I hate this lady
5:50 – Stop to grab water
5:57  –  Notice the instructor shows us the moves, does 10 reps, and watches for another 20 reps – Bitch
5:59 – I am slowing down greatly and notice I do about three reps to the instructor’s five.
6:05 – Squat Nazi!
6:06 – Little Spandex Witch!
6:07 – Mother Effer I hate you!
6:11 – Stop to get more water even though others have yet to take a break
6:15 – Please tell me I read the form wrong and this class really ends at 6:20
6:21 – Dam it – more squatsBe-otch with a capital B!
6:23 – Grab the exercise ball and and start ab work. I quickly realize I have no abs.
6:27 – A woman leaves without doing warm down – I’d go with her but can’t get up.
6:28 – Sweat is pouring down my face
6:30 – Our instructor says, “Oh yeah, I probably should have said this before class. Because of all the heat you really should take it easy today.” I just stare at her.
6:31 – I get up off the floor, grab my keys, and say,Thanks so much that was great. I’ll be back next week.”

  And I will be back.

The instructor’s expecting me not to.

Plus, I have to meet someone in the parking lot.

Weekend Bloggy Reading

The Secret

I have found the secret to weight loss.

People will be amazed with my results and will be amazed that they too can get the same results.

I lost 8 pounds this week!

First off, let me explain that I have stuck to healthy eating. Every once in awhile I might get off track but for the most part I have insured that calories in equals less than calories out. Eating bread only once a day has certainly been a catalyst for my weight loss.

In addition to the healthy eating, I have exercised 5 days a week. Sometimes each work out is only 30 minutes but it’s still something.

So there you have it. Healthy eating and exercise to lose 8 pounds in a week.

Well, I guess I should tell you one more thing that might be a tad pertinent…

….I switched scales.

But I’m sure that has nothing to do with it. I KNOW I lost 8 pounds…I’m just not ever going back to the old scale again to check.


Alright, I should tell you I did go back to the original scale. Although I really wanted to believe the second scale at the new gym, I knew it wasn’t right.  Here’s my weight loss progress: week one (-1.9 lbs.), week two (+0.4 lbs.), week three (-2.2), week four (-1.8)   = total weight loss so far 5.5 lbs.

Weight a Minute…that Can’t be Right

I like…chicken flautas, chips and queso, chocolate, ice cream, cake, pizza, … and sadly that’s what I’ve been eating for the last 10 weeks. I got extremely lackadaisical when it came to my eating. If I thought about it, I ate it. What, no veggie today? Who cares! Pizza for dinner! That’s got green peppers and onions, right? Bound to be the 6 daily servings I need.

Sadly, my carelessness and poor eating choices have gotten me into trouble. I weighed myself a few days ago at the gym and was so very disappointed to find out I weighed 12 lbs more than when I got pregnant. Two more lbs than 8 weeks ago. The initial deal I made with myself was to eat whatever for 2 weeks and give into the grief – eat, eat ,and eat. Well, 2 weeks turned into 3 weeks which turned into 4 weeks. Now that I’m on week 10 I’m ready to tackle this issue.

I have always been a physically fit person so this is not where I want to be right now. I have a few motivating factors although the biggest one is not fitting into my clothes.

So I’ve taken steps. For the past week I’ve altered my eating to be much more aware and conscious of it. Here are my rules: 1. drink more water,     2. eat bread (tortillas, sandwich bread, buns, biscuits, pretzels) only once a day,  3. exercise when I can (three times this week),     & 4. nothing to eat after dinner.

I wanted to give myself some leeway since going cold turkey on most foods would lead straight to cheating. For example, for Mother’s Day we ate at a Mexican restaurant where I ate chips and enchiladas (my only bread for the day).  The following day I ate ice cream when Andrew’s team celebrated a baseball win (I did not have dessert for 5 days leading up to this).

I’m posting this after one week and here’s my progress….

I have lost 1.9 pounds so far. While I would have liked to see a 12 pound loss (um, probably not) I’m happy with the progress.

Since I initially weighed in with my shoes on, I thought about giving myself a boost of confidence for the weigh in by only wearing my bra and underwear.  I finally nixed that idea since the scale is located in the middle of the weight room. Could be just a tad awkward for the other gym members.

Perhaps my tennis shoes really weigh 8 lbs & I haven’t dug myself quite as big of a hole as I think:)

Do you have any goals you’re working on?