Women. Listen up!

I am giving a public service announcement because I care about your health.

Mammograms are okay.

Mammograms are not as bad as everyone says.

Mammograms are important.

A few weeks ago I had my annual mammogram. Actually this was only my second ever mammogram since I am 39.

I arrived at the office at 7:17 AM because my appointment was for 7:15. AM

After handing over my insurance card I was handed 3 sheets to fill out which made me ponder

…Wouldn’t it be great if men had the periods? Then they would have to write down the date of their last menstrual cycle 64 times on the same group of medical forms.

…Wouldn’t it be great if doctors and nurses actually read the paperwork you filled out?

…Wouldn’t it be great if Bradley Cooper was performing the breast exam?

But no, it was Melinda performing my mammogram.

After she verified my name and birth date, she handed me a gown and a packet to wash off my deodorant. Messes with the scans apparently.

Melinda then walked back into the room and instructed me to stand facing the xray machine. Apparently if the machine is not making an indentation on your arm, chin, and stomach, you are not close enough. “Closer please.”

After taking my right breast into her hand, she maneuvered me into position.

“This is going to squeeze,” are the famous words. And really, they are quite accurate. I have always heard how horribly painful a mammogram is but I don’t think that’s quite true.

If you’ve ever breast fed, you’ve got this.

Some one else manhandling your breasts?- Check.

Have someone play tug of war with your nipple? Check. Been there done that.

Once the machine has applied pressure to your breast, you have about 15 seconds of being in this position. Quickly switch and complete the left side. You are halfway done.

The xray machine is then moved so that pictures of different angles can be taken. Another 30 seconds and you are finished.

Really, that’s it.

1 minute of your time.

Two weeks later you will receive a letter in the mail giving you the results of your scan.

Mammogram. Easiest breastfeeding ever.

Mammogram. Important.

Mammogram. Just Do it.