Category Archives: pregnant

Slowly

Posted on by

I’m slowly making it day by day.

I didn’t cry yesterday and I haven’t cried yet today.

I know it’s okay if I do and okay if I don’t.

There are a couple of things helping me get through this experience besides my husband, my family, and my friends. I could never find the right words to express what they have meant to me so I’ll talk about the other things for now.

Peanut M & M’s – seriously!

I am now on my 3rd bag of peanut M&M’s and I’m fine with it. I sit with a huge glass of milk and my bowl of chocolate goodness. I’m drinking skim milk with the M&M’s so it’s practically a healthy snack – thank goodness since I just happen to partake in this roughly 4 times a day.

The Gilmore Girls

I’m not sure where I was during the 7 years this show was on. I had never seen an episode before a friend gave me all 7 seasons 2 weeks ago. I’m currently midway through season 2 and loving it. I’m not sure if it’s the witty dialogue of the main characters or just a way to escape for 40 minutes that has me hooked.

Driving

I have made small trips out of the house whether it be to the grocery store or to return movies. I’m really not ready to drive anywhere where I might see friends yet. I think I could still break out in tears when they ask, ”How are you doing?” So… I’m avoiding that for now. It’s been good to get out of the house though and my car has helped me make the first initial steps of getting back in touch with the world.

Well, I guess it’s time to to grab some M&M’s and go find out what’s happening in Stars Hollow this week.

No need to get back in touch with the world all in one day.

Protocol?

Posted on by

Today in the mail I received a letter from the hospital.

While I have many ideas on how a situation like mine could be handled better in my doctor’s office, I’ll save that for another time. (I know, I know, another upbeat post from me).

Here’s the letter:

Thank you for choosing The Medical Center of Plano. We hope you were very satisfied and are having a smooth recovery. If there is anything we can help you with during this time, please call us.

In addition to the above statement, there were 3 handwritten messages.  I truly appreciate the nurses’ notes which were added by 2 of the 3 nurses who helped me. Apparently protocol states you must have 3 signatures per card since I had an additional note from someone named Darlene. A nurse? A patient? A janitor? Who knows.

I understand the thought behind the card but maybe they should think about investing in a couple of different cards, each with their own message. Can you really walk away from this experience “very satisfied?”

My Giggle Tribesmen

Posted on by

Even though I’m having a tough time right now, I know I am extremely lucky to have the family I do. I cherish everyone of them and the times we have. I’m also extremely fortunate to have kids who make me laugh.

During my day of teetering on Sunday I sat and watched some tv while Caroline was napping. The boys were in their room jumping around and making tons of noise. After about 15 minutes of what I can only assume was them jumping off their beds I decided to go up and tell them to stop.

I opened their door and started laughing immediately. Both boys were wearing shorts but no shirts. They had giant medals around their necks and were holding humongous chess trophies in their arms. I just laughed which caused them to giggle and giggle.

Alex said, “What? We’re Zulus and we’re hunting.”

Of course you are.

I’m so glad for those giggles.

Almost

Posted on by

I almost made it all day Saturday without crying.

Sunday I didn’t even come close. I was crying before 8 am.

Since coming home from the hospital on Wednesday night I had not left the house. I’m trying to follow the doctor’s orders of keeping it easy for 2 weeks and not lifting anything heavy (Caroline).

Well we decided to go out to dinner on the last night my parents were here. Babe’s Chicken House. Seems harmless enough. Except for the 40 minute wait. Tons of people, kids, and babies. I knew it would be tough to go out but I was completely overwhelmed with it all. Many times I almost grabbed the car keys from Derek so I could run back to the car and stay there. I kept tearing up when I would hear someone call a name we had considered or when a pregnant woman would go by. I kept thinking to myself, “Shoes. shoes. shoes. Think about shoes. Do not cry right here in the middle of Babe’s Chicken House for all of Frisco to see.” I managed to succeed and get into the restaurant for dinner. Dinner was great and I didn’t have any problems getting through it.

I think my emotional state had been building all day and it finally burst when I was toweling off from taking a shower that night.

It’s hard enough going through this process without all the “extras.”

Even though I have gone through the same motions for the past 3 days I was completely overwhelmed that night when I had to put an ace bandage around my chest again. I have to wrap my chest, use pads for a few weeks, and have hot flashes. All things you just deal with when having a baby. All good except for that I am missing one part of that equation.

I had a good cry and went to bed.

Sunday morning my parents were leaving. Just a hug from my mom and dad sent me over the edge again. I pretty much teetered between crying and dealing with life the rest of the day.

I know this will take time and it will get better but it sure is difficult right now.

4 days

Posted on by

A lot has happened in the past 4 days for us and a lot has happened because of “4 days.”

4 days ago we found out we wouldn’t be parents again.

4 days ago we were so deeply saddened by that news.

4 days ago we had to tell our children about babies dying before having a chance to meet them.

According to doctors I was 20 weeks and 3 days pregnant. If I was 19 weeks 6 days pregnant I would have had a different experience.

4 days difference = much more difficult process for us

Because of those 4 days, I had to go through labor and deliver a baby only this time he never opened his eyes.

Because of those 4 days, we had to visit a funeral home and make cremation plans for our little one.

Because of those 4 days, we have to pick up his remains in a week.

I keep waiting for this to end but the law has a different idea.

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

Posted on by

So yesterday I learned several things:

1) My doctor’s nurse has to work on her small talk. After waiting for 30 minutes in the waiting room she brought us into the sonogram room. She began typing on the computer while I began shaking and breathing hard.

“So how’s the weather outside?”

Derek and I looked at her and thought, “Really, that ‘s the best you can come up with?”

Uh, it’s nice. Cool.

“Oh good. I’ve hated this weather lately. So depressing all this cold weather.”

Hmm…actually we’re under brush fire alerts since it’s so hot and from where we are sitting we have a different definition of depressing.

2) My doctor is a huge music fan. While sitting in the waiting room I heard the secretary bickering about seat availability, row c, and only 12 left. Apparently she was desperately trying to get one of the remaining 12 Diana Ross tickets for her concert in Dallas tonight. When our doctor came in she said she just had to have one of those tickets – it was a once in a lifetime experience and she had to be there. She was quite annoyed since the newspaper listed tickets from $60 – $120 but they were actually $360 for row C.

3) I’m urging my children to go into the medical field. Apparently $360 is really only a drop in the bucket for a once in a lifetime experience. Last year my doctor spent $2500 to see Prince in concert. With the amount of times I’m going to see her she will be able to tour with Prince.

4) There is no real change with the baby. We are still day by day and will be for however long this pregnancy lasts. But…we are still climbing a mountain and going to give it our best fight.

In tribute to my doctor and my theme song for the day let’s hear a little Diana