4 days

A lot has happened in the past 4 days for us and a lot has happened because of “4 days.”

4 days ago we found out we wouldn’t be parents again.

4 days ago we were so deeply saddened by that news.

4 days ago we had to tell our children about babies dying before having a chance to meet them.

According to doctors I was 20 weeks and 3 days pregnant. If I was 19 weeks 6 days pregnant I would have had a different experience.

4 days difference = much more difficult process for us

Because of those 4 days, I had to go through labor and deliver a baby only this time he never opened his eyes.

Because of those 4 days, we had to visit a funeral home and make cremation plans for our little one.

Because of those 4 days, we have to pick up his remains in a week.

I keep waiting for this to end but the law has a different idea.

7 thoughts on “4 days

  1. I’ve been so worried about what the next steps would be – wondering if you’d have to deliver, if you’d meet your baby, what would happen next? I’ve been asking people about miscarriages – have you had one? do you know anyone who has? what happened? how? why? My one friend’s mother found out around five months that the baby had died, but had to carry until full term and the body naturally went into labor.

    Does having to meet with a funeral director help with your healing process? The law give such a seemingly arbitrary time limit from one option to another. Now that you write about this I do remember when we went for Sam’s 2nd ultrasound that time up to Houston, there were concerns that some “decision time” was coming up. I think I was 18 weeks.

    I have a heavy heart, Jen. Thinking about/worrying about you like crazy.

    Love you, Jess

  2. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better, but I have no words…other than I am thinking of you all the time and hoping for peace and healing for your family.

  3. My heart is breaking for you, there are no words. We are sending hugs down with Anutie Deanna!

  4. My heart is breaking for you, there are no words. We are sending hugs down with Auntie Deanna!

  5. Oh Jennifer. I’m so so sorry. I have no words, but I want you to know how much I’m thinking of you and praying for peace for you and your family.

  6. I am still very very angry about what Derek and you had to go through re the state of Texas. It was totally unnecessary and it has motivated me to join NOW-national organization for women and the American Civil liberties Union. Women in America are under attack and your experience is one example of religious fundamentalists driving the agenda. I know this is not a political blog but it is important for women of your generation to understand what women of the 1960’s fought for—the right to make and control these decisions for themselves. Now, through a series of backroom manuevers by tea party groups with their own agendas, the incidents of which you were a victim are going to increase expotentially. My 3 daughters found it difficult to understand concepts like the “glass ceiling” and ” women as second class citizens”, I think now they are starting to become aware. But awareness without action does not bring change. My generation took it easy for too long. We believed that common sense would prevail and obviously it has not. Political Action is now necessary. I do not care if you agree with my sentiments or not or think this blog is an inappropriate place to vent. Just hold your wonderful daughter in your arms and feel how fragile she is as she collapses. See the wear and tear on her husband. I told my husband that if Auntie Dee was not coming I would not have left. When things that should remain a private affair become a states affair, we should all become afraid. Dieter Bonhoff, a Lutheran priest said, “First they came for the Jews and no one spoke up, then the gays and Gypsies and no one spoke up, then they came for me.” My generation let my daughters generation down, we became complacent, and when that happens evil rears its head. Pat Becker

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