The Most Expensive Ruler, Ever!

Posted on July 29, 2013 by Jennifer

Let me present to you the most expensive ruler ever. EVER!

The problem with enjoying crafts is that when see an item you think, “I can make that.”

When in reality, you should just by the item.

It would save you and your family a lot of pain in the long run.

At least my family wishes I would just buy it.

One afternoon I took the kids to a local craft market.

There are hundreds of vendors set up and I enjoy wondering the aisles looking at the many different projects set up.

After wondering for awhile, I saw a large beautiful white ruler. I thought it would be so much fun to write my kids heights onto it. Plus is would make a nice addition to our living room.

But I thought, $20! I can make that for cheaper.

So immediately after leaving the craft fair we headed to our local habitat restore where I found a board just the right size for $1. I had all the paints on hand so a $1 ruler it was going to be.

Not so.

After leaving the store and standing the board against the back of my car, I put Caroline in her car seat.

And that’s when I heard it.

A big crash.

“Umm, Mom, ” I heard my 11 year old say.

As I walked back to the rear of the car, I saw I had broken a tail light.

Not my tail light. SOMEONE ELSE’S TAILLIGHT!

I said, “Was that taillight already broken?”

“No Mom, the board fell and you broke the light.”

Sadly, my first instinct was to look around and hussle the boys into the car.

As I sat in the car, I realized this was the wrong thing to do and not quite the lesson I wanted to teach my kids. So I wrote my name and number on a piece of paper and left it on their windshield.

About an hour later I received a call from a gentleman wanting to know why I had put my name and number on his car window.

HE DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE.

After listening to my explanation he thanked me for letting him know and told me he would call with an estimate in a few days after he returned to his home in Tennessee.

I heard from him soon after and found out that his cousin works at a Chevrolet dealership and the new part would cost $150.

I sent him a check and remarkably a few days later his wife sent a thank you card.

So now his tail light is fixed and I have the world’s most expensive ruler

$1 + $150 = $151 ruler

Your Public Service Announcement…A Mammogram

Posted on July 26, 2013 by Jennifer

Women. Listen up!

I am giving a public service announcement because I care about your health.

Mammograms are okay.

Mammograms are not as bad as everyone says.

Mammograms are important.

A few weeks ago I had my annual mammogram. Actually this was only my second ever mammogram since I am 39.

I arrived at the office at 7:17 AM because my appointment was for 7:15. AM

After handing over my insurance card I was handed 3 sheets to fill out which made me ponder

…Wouldn’t it be great if men had the periods? Then they would have to write down the date of their last menstrual cycle 64 times on the same group of medical forms.

…Wouldn’t it be great if doctors and nurses actually read the paperwork you filled out?

…Wouldn’t it be great if Bradley Cooper was performing the breast exam?

But no, it was Melinda performing my mammogram.

After she verified my name and birth date, she handed me a gown and a packet to wash off my deodorant. Messes with the scans apparently.

Melinda then walked back into the room and instructed me to stand facing the xray machine. Apparently if the machine is not making an indentation on your arm, chin, and stomach, you are not close enough. “Closer please.”

After taking my right breast into her hand, she maneuvered me into position.

“This is going to squeeze,” are the famous words. And really, they are quite accurate. I have always heard how horribly painful a mammogram is but I don’t think that’s quite true.

If you’ve ever breast fed, you’ve got this.

Some one else manhandling your breasts?- Check.

Have someone play tug of war with your nipple? Check. Been there done that.

Once the machine has applied pressure to your breast, you have about 15 seconds of being in this position. Quickly switch and complete the left side. You are halfway done.

The xray machine is then moved so that pictures of different angles can be taken. Another 30 seconds and you are finished.

Really, that’s it.

1 minute of your time.

Two weeks later you will receive a letter in the mail giving you the results of your scan.

Mammogram. Easiest breastfeeding ever.

Mammogram. Important.

Mammogram. Just Do it.

Oven Jambalaya

Posted on July 25, 2013 by Jennifer

I am reposting this recipe today since I have made this delicious dinner twice in the past week. It’s great for bringing to work as a lunch and also on a 100 degree day. Okay that is partly a lie but it’s so good that you will even eat it on a hot day 🙂

When we had our Mardi Gras party one of the items my husband cooked was Oven Jambalaya. It was a big hit then and again when I made it a few days ago.

The recipe is titled, “Mrs. Casey’s Oven Jambalaya,” since I got the recipe from Mrs. Casey, a long time family friend.

If you decide to make this recipe I promise you will question the outcome after you pile everything into the same dish. Stick with it. Put the dish into the oven and let the magic happen 🙂

Click here to download the recipe.

Anna Kendrick & Cups

Posted on July 23, 2013 by Jennifer

Cool video. Kids loved it.

Awesome song.

Enjoy.

A HOLY Mother F****er Service

Posted on July 22, 2013 by Jennifer

Yesterday while we were at church an older man leaned over and whispered, “Your children are so well behaved.”

I smiled, thanked him, and gave myself a little encouraging mental tap on the shoulder.

Less than a minute later Caroline broke my toe.

I think.

I was standing while singing the hymn when I felt a huge pain surge through my foot.

It is only by the grace of God that I did not scream,” Holy Mother F***er.”

I looked down to see that she had pushed down the little kneeling step onto my big toe.

My open toed sandals did not cushion the blow.

I sternly but quietly said, “Stop that right now. That hurt, ” to which she turned her body away from me and started “singing” the hymn.

I’m pretty sure it went something like this:

What a fool my mother is…She can’t do anything to me in church…Everyone is watching us here so she will not put me in time out or give me a spanking….I love church.

Yes, I’m willing to bet that’s how her song went because 5 minutes later she decided to do it again.

But this time she finished off by standing on the bench as well.

This time I did make a noticeable sound.

While I glanced down at my toe it was red but not bleeding.

I hoisted her onto my hip and would not put her down for the last 10 minutes of the service which I’m pretty sure really lasted for 45 minutes.

After church I spoke to her again about how much that hurt and she seemed to get it.

Either way, I’m wearing tennis shoes to church next week.

6 Kids at the Pool

Posted on July 19, 2013 by Jennifer

So the other day I took 6 kids to the pool by myself.

I know, breath a moment, and take that in.

Now this wasn’t any ordinary pool either.

It was a 50 meter pool, with a separate shallow end, and a separate kids pool.

A bit stressful keeping tabs on everyone as they swam with their buddy.

3 were mine, 3 were friends

11 yr old, 11 yr old, 8 yr old, 7 yr old, 5 yr old, and a 4 yr old.

Putting sunscreen on 6 children – awful and long

Seeing friends go down the water slide with huge smiles – delightful

Having the lifeguard tell my daughter to stop climbing up the water slide – not surprising

Having my 4 year old go off the diving board – exciting

Treading water while holding the 4 year old and 5 year old in the deep end – hard

Watching boys race each other in the water – amusing

Losing two pair of NEW goggles – frustrating

Everyone getting out of the pool when I asked – miracle

Arrive home & eating a piece of cake before dinner while hiding in pantry – well deserved.

I am old…

Posted on July 17, 2013 by Jennifer

I am old.

At least my two teenage babysitters make me feel old.

Let me explain.

We have two teenage sisters who babysit our kids occasionally.

After a night of babysitting I typically drive them home.

During our short drive home I hear, “Yes, ma’am” about 10 times. It starts to make me feel like I’m a senior citizen. I realize I am not sixteen years old and look one hundred and four to these girls, but seriously, must I be called ma’am?

Isn’t that reserved for women my mother’s age? – Sorry, mom. You are ageless in my eyes:)

The other reason I feel old with them?

When I finish telling a story or a tidbit about my day, they say “That’s so funny.”

Every time. For every story.

And that makes me realize…it’s not funny.

They are just saying that to an old lady who is trying to entertain them during what is probably the longest drive of their life. For me it’s a quick 10 min drive. For them, it’s must feel like we live in different states.

And what’s the worst?

“That’s so funny, ma’am.”

I think I’m going to start looking for a middle age babysitter.