London Gift Options

Dear Family,

We really would have gotten you something from our trip to London, it’s just that there were so many wonderful options to choose from in the gift shop that we became overwhelmed and had to leave immediately.

But we did manage to take some pictures of the sweet, adorable, and loving gifts this town has to offer.




I was thinking my nephews would just love their very own catapult.




And some dream inducing bedtime reading for my niece…


IMG_1221 IMG_1222 IMG_1223

Yes, thank you London for all of those wonderful gift ideas. We thought about purchasing many but may have in fact been  swayed by the dish towel display at Target.

Until next time,

Jennifer, Kelly, & Alex

Dear Costco

Dear Mr. Costco,

My family loves visiting your store and sampling all those goodies your A1 hairnet troops are providing.

In fact, my husband loves it so much he needs a stern talking to before his trips there with our children.

We don’t need a six month supply of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Or the 7,000 Oreos (yes, it’s because I have no will power).

And for the love of God, just walk away from the 285 links of sausage.

The kids love the store too.

I’ve never seen people so excited to have free food – I’m talking hitting all nine food booths in record time while, of course, bypassing booth ten, the new fruit and veggie juice.

Yes, everyone loves your store sir.

But can I tell you want I don’t like about your store? Actually, I’m about to speak for all mothers out there. Yes, all mothers hate this Costco, so listen up!

Nothing gets on my/our nerves more than when I’m trying to leave your store and I must wait an eternity for your employee to draw a smiley face onto the back of my receipt.


I mean really. Why? Why? Why?

Why must every exiting door employee take the time to do this when it’s probably obvious that we just really need to leave the store.

Is it in the training program?



Is there a bonus involved with the number of smiley faces given out.

Just let me leave!!!!!

And really, it’s just not me. Guess who also doesn’t care about the smiley face and just wants to get home and rip open the bag with 5000 popcorn pieces?

My children.

After Picasso has finished drawing his neon smiley he slows the exiting process down even further by insisting to show one of the kids. When kid #1 has shown no excitement over the preschool drawing they move to kid #2 who’s response is just as lack lustered as the first.

So Mr. Costco, please change your policy. It should read, “As an employee it is your job to help the mothers out of the store as quickly as possible. If you don’t, there will inevitably be a meltdown and it’s anyone’s guess whether it will be the children or the mom who ends up crying. And if it’s the mom, you are on your own.”

Your loyal shopper,Jennifer

P.S. If you could have those toffee covered chocolates out for sampling next week I would really appreciate that.

And then…

And then there was the time the Dillard’s sales lady laughed at my bra size.

Yes. Yes she did.

Huge boost to the self esteem.

Let me back up.

Since my bra supply was depleted I went in search of a few more.

I was strolling through the intimate apparel section in Dillard’s picking up pieces that I wanted to try on when a little old Asian sales woman came up to me.

“Do you need help?”

“Yes, I was looking for a bra that you can turn into a racerback.”

Blank face.

“I need a bra that can change from regular straps to racerback in the back.”

Blank face.

This time motioning with my hands, “I need a bra that can be both regular straps and have a criss cross in the back.”

“Ahhh, follow me……What size you need?


calvin-klein-perfectly-fit-racerback-bra-f2564-nude_1Since I have not posed for Mr. Hefner or suffer from severe back problems, I obviously don’t have a 22W bra size but let’s just use it so my pride doesn’t any suffer more.

Practically shrieking so the whole department can hear her, “22W! Hahahahahahaha. Those bras don’t come in that size. You have to go up to 22Y. Hahahahahahahahahaha.”

22W she heard. Racerback, not so much.

Ha ha ha said no one but the little old Asian lady who, might I add, is even more streamlined than me.

I ended up not buying anything. You know, bad feelings and all.

Probably going to go out again and test the waters at a different store.

This time I’m going to go in with a sign on my chest, “Back off people, I’ve kept 3 children alive with these breasts. They may be smaller than when those kids got to them but they are still standing up nice. Oh wait, did I step on your huge sagging breast. Pardon me. Did I say that loud? Hahahahahahaha.”

New Star Wars Prints

The Father’s Day printable at the Big D & Me’s etsy shop has been selling well – thanks friends!

I wanted to let you know about three new prints we have added to the store.

These prints are perfect for your little Star Wars fans.

The Millennium Falcom


The ATAT  Imperial Walker


The X-Wing Fighter


All prints are completely customizable to your desired colors, phrases, or names.

So go on over to the shop and check out these prints, your little Jedi will love them!

One of Those Moments

Sometimes in life you just have those days.

And then, sometimes you just have those moments.

I had one of those moments today as I was grocery shopping.

Instead of getting in and out of the store quickly I was having to coax my three year old along.

“Come on please.”

“Please don’t touch that.”

“Let’s walk a little faster so we can go home.”

Everyone knows the drill.

When we arrived at the milk section I noticed organic milk was on sale for $2.69 a gallon, half the cost it normally is.

Thrilled, I started grabbing gallons of milk and putting them in my cart.

I turned to look at Caroline and saw her grabbing glass plates off of a display.

“Please put those down..”

“Caroline, please put those down.”

My back was holding open the refrigerator door, my right arm was holding some milk, while I tried to reach for another gallon, all the while watching my daughter.

And then the milk dropped.

On. the ground.

All. over. Kroger.

In. front. of. five. people.

Who. acted. as. if.

They. would. never. ever.

Do. that.

“You should really find someone to clean that up.”


“Oh, my.”

Combined with, “Mommy, the milk is all over the floor,” and, “It’s going ev-we-where.”

Yes it is.

It was all over the floor and all over me.

My jeans were soaking from my calf down while my new sandals were swimming in milk.

I found someone to clean up the mess, BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WOULD HELP, and walked across the store to grab the onion I had forgotten, trying to act dignified as I left wet footprints in my path.

And I thought, this is just one of those moments.

 At least it wasn’t one of those days.

Mary Poppins Hat

I’m pretty sure everyone guessed from this clue that we had a Mary Poppins 3rd birthday party.

And if you have a Mary Poppins party, you have to have a Mary Poppins hat.

1 – Go to Target and buy a $1 bin Easter hat.

2- Do nothing with the hat for days since your daughter insists on doing her best Minnie Pearl impression.

3 – Confiscate the hat when she’s not looking

4 – Deny you have any knowledge of the hats whereabouts

5 – Take off pink ribbon

6 – Spray paint it black

7 – Glue on some fake cherries and flowers from the dollar store

8 – Find the hat and present to your Mary Poppins obsessed daughter.

9 – Delight in her joy of wearing the hat and singing,”Let’s Go Fly a Kite.”

I apologize ahead of time for the fact that you will now sing this all day long 🙂

Go here to see the Mary Poppins party activities

Shopping with My Children

Shopping with my children is going to cost me big.

In fact, it’s starting to add up right now.

Just this morning we were in our neighborhood grocery store picking up a few items when it happened.


While holding my two year old, I began placing apples in a bag quickly. I was focused on buying the few items we needed and getting out of the store as fast as possible.

The boys, who had been following behind me, were now picking up fruit and weighing it on the scales. First an apple, then a cucumber, but then they decided they needed to go bigger, finally settling on an enormous Christmas melon.

Just as I turned around from the apples, I saw the melon fly from Alex’s hands and land on the ground. With a thud and a splat the melon split open.

Alex looked up at me with big eyes and said, “Oops.”

It was here where my moral drawbridge came crashing down. Without children I would have picked up the fruit, placed it gently back on its former resting space and walked away nonchalantly. My eyes  would have remained focused on the fruit in an attempt to avoid all eye contact with other customers or grocery store employees.

With kids though it’s another story.

If I walk away from the fruit while I’m with them, I’m convinced I’m leading them into a life of crime. When they are standing before Jugde Wapner and being sentenced the only statement they will give is, “Well sir (in my mind they may lead a life of crime but they will still be polite) I was just doing what my mother does. My mother once ripped a shirt trying it on and she just left it in the changing room.”

I let out a sigh and had Alex place the melon into our cart. I explained that if you damage something in a store you are still expected to pay for it. At least when you are with me.

So with my $3.79 melon combined with the $5.95 doll I had to buy earlier in the week due to my daughter ripping open the box, I am out $9.74.

So as you can see my children are costing me a fortune. I’m thinking of starting a tab for each one of my children. Each time they damage something in a store I’m taking it out of their first paycheck.

And I will be charging them interest.

Heavy Lifting?

While walking through Target the other day I heard an elderly woman on the phone.

“Irma. You tell them you can’t help.”

Intrigued, I quickly pulled over into mens underwear.

My cover was almost blown by Andrew’s not so quiet, “Mom, why are we here? You said we were finished getting everything.”


“Irma, I’m telling you . No more heavy lifting.”

“Moooooooooom, what are we doing here,” whined Alex.

Does no one in this family watch CSI or NCIS? I’m trying to gather INFO here people!


But it was too late.

Irma’s elderly friend left the underwear section while glaring at the crazy woman suddenly arguing with her children.

Some people are so rude.

The Grocery Game

Last night I drove to the grocery store to get several important items for our family: milk, ice cream cones, peanut M&M’s, chapstick, allergy medicine, People magazine, and InStyle magazine. (You just wouldn’t believe how Andrew has been hounding me to get the latest InStyle issue.)

I imagined other people playing the grocery game as I passed them. The grocery game for me is making up stories about people based off of what’s in their cart.

When you see a guy with 10 cans of Spaghetti-o’s, a pack of beer, and a bag of donuts in his cart, certain assumptions can be made.

1. He’s not going home to anyone else.

2. He’s about to watch some sort of sporting event on TV.

3. Flannel shirts are probably a regular part of his wardrobe.

I wonder what assumptions flannel man would have made about my cart.