Dear Mr. Costco,

My family loves visiting your store and sampling all those goodies your A1 hairnet troops are providing.

In fact, my husband loves it so much he needs a stern talking to before his trips there with our children.

We don’t need a six month supply of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Or the 7,000 Oreos (yes, it’s because I have no will power).

And for the love of God, just walk away from the 285 links of sausage.

The kids love the store too.

I’ve never seen people so excited to have free food – I’m talking hitting all nine food booths in record time while, of course, bypassing booth ten, the new fruit and veggie juice.

Yes, everyone loves your store sir.

But can I tell you want I don’t like about your store? Actually, I’m about to speak for all mothers out there. Yes, all mothers hate this Costco, so listen up!

Nothing gets on my/our nerves more than when I’m trying to leave your store and I must wait an eternity for your employee to draw a smiley face onto the back of my receipt.

I mean really. Why? Why? Why?

Why must every exiting door employee take the time to do this when it’s probably obvious that we just really need to leave the store.

Is it in the training program?

Lesson 1 – MUST. STOP. EVERY. HAGGARD. LOOKING. MOTHER. AND. DETAIN. HER. FURTHER….

Lesson 2 -IF HER.KIDS. LOOK. LIKE. THEY. ARE. LOSING. THEIR. MIND. ENGAGE THEM IN CONVERSATION.

Is there a bonus involved with the number of smiley faces given out.

Just let me leave!!!!!

And really, it’s just not me. Guess who also doesn’t care about the smiley face and just wants to get home and rip open the bag with 5000 popcorn pieces?

My children.

After Picasso has finished drawing his neon smiley he slows the exiting process down even further by insisting to show one of the kids. When kid #1 has shown no excitement over the preschool drawing they move to kid #2 who’s response is just as lack lustered as the first.

So Mr. Costco, please change your policy. It should read, “As an employee it is your job to help the mothers out of the store as quickly as possible. If you don’t, there will inevitably be a meltdown and it’s anyone’s guess whether it will be the children or the mom who ends up crying. And if it’s the mom, you are on your own.”

Your loyal shopper,Jennifer

P.S. If you could have those toffee covered chocolates out for sampling next week I would really appreciate that.