I just washed and dried my jeans.
I hope I remember the Pillsbury Dough Boy feeling I am now experiencing when I have the bright idea to do that again.
Category Archives: observations
HELLO!
Everyone has that person.
It may be your neighbor, your in-law, or your boss.
For me, it’s Carl.
I mean, IT’S CARL!
Carl works at our local post office behind the check out desk.
When the need arises to mail a package or buy stamps a slight shudder runs through my body.
Since our post office is quite small and only two employees are on duty at a time, there’s always a 50% chance I will have an encounter with Carl. The time of day doesn’t seem to change those odds – believe me, I’ve tried.
While standing in line, usually five or six persons deep, I try and compute how long each person’s transaction will take.
Please let me miss him, please let the old lady get him.
I typically have no chance of avoiding Carl if the person in front of me has an international package. The necessary paperwork will have been filed out incorrectly, Carl will tell them to step to the side, and motion me forward.
Damn it people! Why can’t you get the form right?
I’ve been through this ritual before so I try and be proactive with my information.
“HELLO!!!“
Hi. I need to mail this package. It’s 2 books and I’d like to send it the cheapest way possible. I don’t need anything else today.
“DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING LIQUID, PERISHABLE, OR FRAGILE IN THE PACKAGE?”
No.
“DO YOU WANT TO SEND IT PRIORITY MAIL?
No.
“IF YOU DECIDE TO SEND IT PRIORITY IT WILL TAKE 2-3 DAYS”
No. The cheapest way please.
“OK. IF YOU SEND IT POSTAL MAIL IT WILL TAKE 7-10 DAYS.”
Okay.
“SO YOU ARE OK WITH IT GETTING THERE IN 7-10 DAYS?”
Yes, regular mail will be fine.
“DO YOU NEED A BOOK OF STAMPS? A BOOK OF 100? A BOOK OF 200? A BOOK OF 400?” (followed by huge burst of laughter)
No.
“DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE NEW ELVIS STAMPS WE HAVE?”
No.
“DO YOU NEED ANY ENVELOPES TODAY?
No.
DO YOU NEED ANY TAPE OR BOXES TODAY?”
No.
“CAN I BE OF ANY OTHER ASSISTANCE TO YOU TODAY?”
No. Thank you.
Once I finish playing 20 questions with Carl I grab my receipt and breathe a little easier.
That is, until my next adventure with CARL!
Good Intentions
Do you ever buy only healthy items at the grocery store but completely regret it once you come home and realize there’s nothing good to snack on?
Sad….oh so sad.
Elton John’s Sidekick?
I Can Handle It
Since I haven’t cut or colored my hair in the last 3 months I decided to remedy the situation. I was beginning to look like a homeless hag so no one complained when I made the appointment and took a few hours for myself.
While browsing through the latest issue of Glamour, another client came in pushing a baby stroller. From all the “ooohing and ahhing” in the salon I gathered there was a newborn in that deluxe baby limo.
Alright one baby. I can handle that.
My colorist came in and began talking as if I was paying her by the word. This blonde crazy must have just consumed 64oz of caffeine before seeing me. Despite just meeting her, she instantly starts in with, “We’ve been trying to have a baby. I’m already in my 30’s. My brother has 3 kids. Our in-laws have been asking about grand kids.”
This continues for probably 5 minutes despite the fact I haven’t uttered one word yet besides hello. “I’m sure it’s obvious because I’m so enormous but I’m pregnant!!!” Giggly shrieky laughter continues for about 30 seconds. That is so exciting, congratulations I say.
Alright two babies. I can handle that.
I sit and listen while I hear about the stroller purchase, the crib purchase, the clothing purchases, the room color, coordinating accessories in the room, and the baby’s name.
Another colorist comes in and starts working on the mom of the newborn. They begin catching up and all of a sudden there’s a “No, you are not!” “Yes, I am.” “No, you are not!”
Turns out the colorist is 42 and has a 12 week old. This was apparently a 2nd honeymoon baby which was not planned. After the birth she got her tubes clamped.
Alright three babies. I can handle that. End of story.
Normally, but not in my world.
Turns out the mom of the 12 week old is also 6 weeks pregnant. Yes, the same one whose tubes were clamped.
You know the minuscule percentage that’s always associated with procedures and how they can go wrong? Well, she’s spokesman for that group.
My first thought was, “Wow, that’s amazing.”
My second thought was, “Wow, you actually had sex 6 weeks after your delivery.”
Alright four babies. I can handle it but if you don’t hurry the f*** up with my hair I will freak out on all of you.
Sitting in the chair with a head full of foil, I begin pondering what the odds are of me being in this room at this time. It’s probably the same as getting pregnant while having your tubes clamped. I was half expecting octomom to walk in for highlights at any moment.
My colorist focuses back to me and says, “Do you have kids?” “Yes, 3.“ She starts asking me tons of questions about being a new mom. I happily answer and give her some helpful hints I have learned along the way.
Not once did I think to mention my recent miscarriage. OK, I did but I knew I would not say anything. There’s no need to rain on her parade. She’s so excited to be pregnant and become a new mom. It would be cruel to share anything with her that would cause her to worry during her last 14 weeks.
Towards the end of our conversation the question I had been anticipating while also dreading came. I calmly and simply answered her.
“So, do you think you will have more kids?”
“Maybe.”
The next time I need a haircut I may just hand Caroline a pair of scissors and say go to it.
After this experience, I know I can handle that.
A New Focus?
Maybe what I need right now is a new focus – something to direct my energy toward until I get the a-okay from the doctor to be out and about again. After browsing tons of TV shows and way too many internet sites, I think I might have found a new focus.
Let me clue you in.
Caroline received a princess sash from her aunt for her birthday. While she doesn’t know quite to do with it, I sure do.
I hope Tom Hanks inspires you as much as he’s inspired me.
Look out world, here comes Caroline Grace, the pageant contestant!
The Grocery Game
Last night I drove to the grocery store to get several important items for our family: milk, ice cream cones, peanut M&M’s, chapstick, allergy medicine, People magazine, and InStyle magazine. (You just wouldn’t believe how Andrew has been hounding me to get the latest InStyle issue.)
I imagined other people playing the grocery game as I passed them. The grocery game for me is making up stories about people based off of what’s in their cart.
When you see a guy with 10 cans of Spaghetti-o’s, a pack of beer, and a bag of donuts in his cart, certain assumptions can be made.
1. He’s not going home to anyone else.
2. He’s about to watch some sort of sporting event on TV.
3. Flannel shirts are probably a regular part of his wardrobe.
I wonder what assumptions flannel man would have made about my cart.
Slowly
I’m slowly making it day by day.
I didn’t cry yesterday and I haven’t cried yet today.
I know it’s okay if I do and okay if I don’t.
There are a couple of things helping me get through this experience besides my husband, my family, and my friends. I could never find the right words to express what they have meant to me so I’ll talk about the other things for now.
Peanut M & M’s – seriously!
I am now on my 3rd bag of peanut M&M’s and I’m fine with it. I sit with a huge glass of milk and my bowl of chocolate goodness. I’m drinking skim milk with the M&M’s so it’s practically a healthy snack – thank goodness since I just happen to partake in this roughly 4 times a day.
The Gilmore Girls
I’m not sure where I was during the 7 years this show was on. I had never seen an episode before a friend gave me all 7 seasons 2 weeks ago. I’m currently midway through season 2 and loving it. I’m not sure if it’s the witty dialogue of the main characters or just a way to escape for 40 minutes that has me hooked.
Driving
I have made small trips out of the house whether it be to the grocery store or to return movies. I’m really not ready to drive anywhere where I might see friends yet. I think I could still break out in tears when they ask, ”How are you doing?” So… I’m avoiding that for now. It’s been good to get out of the house though and my car has helped me make the first initial steps of getting back in touch with the world.
Well, I guess it’s time to to grab some M&M’s and go find out what’s happening in Stars Hollow this week.
No need to get back in touch with the world all in one day.
Protocol?
Today in the mail I received a letter from the hospital.
While I have many ideas on how a situation like mine could be handled better in my doctor’s office, I’ll save that for another time. (I know, I know, another upbeat post from me).
Here’s the letter:
Thank you for choosing The Medical Center of Plano. We hope you were very satisfied and are having a smooth recovery. If there is anything we can help you with during this time, please call us.
In addition to the above statement, there were 3 handwritten messages. I truly appreciate the nurses’ notes which were added by 2 of the 3 nurses who helped me. Apparently protocol states you must have 3 signatures per card since I had an additional note from someone named Darlene. A nurse? A patient? A janitor? Who knows.
I understand the thought behind the card but maybe they should think about investing in a couple of different cards, each with their own message. Can you really walk away from this experience “very satisfied?”
My Giggle Tribesmen
Even though I’m having a tough time right now, I know I am extremely lucky to have the family I do. I cherish everyone of them and the times we have. I’m also extremely fortunate to have kids who make me laugh.
During my day of teetering on Sunday I sat and watched some tv while Caroline was napping. The boys were in their room jumping around and making tons of noise. After about 15 minutes of what I can only assume was them jumping off their beds I decided to go up and tell them to stop.
I opened their door and started laughing immediately. Both boys were wearing shorts but no shirts. They had giant medals around their necks and were holding humongous chess trophies in their arms. I just laughed which caused them to giggle and giggle.
Alex said, “What? We’re Zulus and we’re hunting.”
Of course you are.
I’m so glad for those giggles.