My six year old cracks me up.
Why play the game when you can…
Category Archives: parenting
Shopping with My Children
Shopping with my children is going to cost me big.
In fact, it’s starting to add up right now.
Just this morning we were in our neighborhood grocery store picking up a few items when it happened.
Again.
While holding my two year old, I began placing apples in a bag quickly. I was focused on buying the few items we needed and getting out of the store as fast as possible.
The boys, who had been following behind me, were now picking up fruit and weighing it on the scales. First an apple, then a cucumber, but then they decided they needed to go bigger, finally settling on an enormous Christmas melon.
Just as I turned around from the apples, I saw the melon fly from Alex’s hands and land on the ground. With a thud and a splat the melon split open.
Alex looked up at me with big eyes and said, “Oops.”
It was here where my moral drawbridge came crashing down. Without children I would have picked up the fruit, placed it gently back on its former resting space and walked away nonchalantly. My eyes would have remained focused on the fruit in an attempt to avoid all eye contact with other customers or grocery store employees.
With kids though it’s another story.
If I walk away from the fruit while I’m with them, I’m convinced I’m leading them into a life of crime. When they are standing before Jugde Wapner and being sentenced the only statement they will give is, “Well sir (in my mind they may lead a life of crime but they will still be polite) I was just doing what my mother does. My mother once ripped a shirt trying it on and she just left it in the changing room.”
I let out a sigh and had Alex place the melon into our cart. I explained that if you damage something in a store you are still expected to pay for it. At least when you are with me.
So with my $3.79 melon combined with the $5.95 doll I had to buy earlier in the week due to my daughter ripping open the box, I am out $9.74.
So as you can see my children are costing me a fortune. I’m thinking of starting a tab for each one of my children. Each time they damage something in a store I’m taking it out of their first paycheck.
And I will be charging them interest.
Greatest Show On Earth
Took the kids to the circus yesterday.
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It was tons of fun.
Only problem is that my boys are now practicing on their beds to become Chinese acrobats.
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I am sure a trip to the hospital is imminent.
Games We Play
Here are some of the games our family is enjoying this summer
YAHTZEE – I’m taking my six year old to Vegas based on his history with this game |
MEXICAN TRAIN One of the greatest games for all ages of your family |
CLUE – An oldy but goody on the game front – Just played this today with my 6 & 9 year olds and lost |
DON’T BREAK THE ICE – My two year old is still learning the concept of taking turns so she usually smashes for fifteen seconds and the games over |
MONOPOLY – We actually own Oceanolopy so we are buying and selling codfish by the hundred |
BLOKUS – New game to us – great for those who like puzzles and visual challenges
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What are some of your favorite games to play?
Shameless
I was a shameless mother to Caroline.
But in the interest of full disclosure I should tell you this.
After consuming a dinner of milk, orange slices, and cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster last Friday night, Caroline proceeded to vomit her entire stomach contents on the restaurant floor.
It was a lot. I’m talking change of shoes and clothing bad.
I’m pretty sure I will never eat another cheddar biscuit for as long as I live.
Oh, and it was our first and only trip to Red Lobster.
The following day Caroline and I ended up in the children’s book section of Borders while the boys finished up in a movie. One hour into the movie and she was done so we went for a walk.
Caroline and I were standing side by side browsing the movie section when I let quite a foul smelling gas escape. It was silent. I do have some pride.
At the moment of release, a woman stopped directly behind us to examine a book.
I’m not proud of what I did next.
I bent down and said, “Caroline, do we need to change your diaper?”
Yes. I Did. I blamed her for the smell.
Let me just remind you about REGURGITATED CHEDDAR BISCUITS ON THE FLOOR!
A little tit for tat.
I am pitiful and shameless.
And smelly.
What Are They Really Like?
At the very minimum, I have read at least one piece of children’s literature everyday for the last nine years.
Through those daily readings I have become quite familiar with some characters. I have visited museums with them, gone camping with them, and even rescued a baby whale.
But I want to go deeper. What are their lives really like?
Let’s examine a few angles the authors might take next time.
I’m sure these could be best sellers.
Does the man with the yellow hat realize the reason he is still single is due to the fact that he wears the same bizarre outfit everyday and lives with a monkey? And what makes him think George will stay beside him this time? It’s time to invest in a leash and match.com my friend.
Do Emily Elizabeth’s parents pay more for lawn service than their neighbors? Due to the enormous dung piles in their yard I would guess they must pay at least double. Of course, they probably make a hefty profit on the colossal produce they are able to sell at the local farmer’s market.
Does Mama Bear ever regret marrying Papa Bear? He is apparently a huge dolt who must have the highest health insurance premiums in Bear Country. Although on the flip side Mama must be a drinker since she still lets Papa Bear take the cubs on adventures knowing full well what the outcome will be. Maybe social services should look in on Brother and Sister Bear.
Pondering anything about your favorite characters?
Dress Like a Cow = Free Meal
Friday (tomorrow!) July 8th is Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-fil-A
If you and your loved ones dress like a cow your meals are FREE!
(Chick-fil A has a downloadable cow costume on their website.)
Partial costume = free entree Full costume = free meal
Two years ago we dressed up in a Star Wars theme and ate for free. You do not need to have a theme to your costumes but it added an element of fun. Here are our construction paper and reversed t-shirt ensembles from two years ago:
Fortunately I translate baby faces and can tell you what she was thinking
Dammit lady – I don’t even eat solid foods yet and you have dressed me like this. Why must you do this? I will be beyond embarrassed. What if my friends see me? This family is a mess. I cannot wait till I go to college.
Hurry! Get a costume and have an “udderly” good time!
Pitching a Tent
Our house is where bed linens go to die.
It is beyond ridiculous. Enter my closet and you will find an abundance of old comforters, worn sheets, mismatched pillowcases, and scratchy throws. We could probably open a homeless shelter in our backyard if we so desired. We don’t.
Actually we have more sheets than all the other linens combined. We have inherited sheets from our parents, been given sheets as a gift, and received my sisters’ old college sheets.
I choose to ignore any subtle hint they are sending about the state of the bedding in my house.
The sheets leave our house at a very slow rate. If they ever escape it was via the Goodwill box so we have a large stack of sheets in my closet. Stack might be a nice term to describe the linen mess. It is actually a huge pile of sheets thrown every which way. I believe being able to see your closet floor is highly over rated. Technically, I think the experts call it protecting your carpet. After all, I do have children pooping in my closet.
After reading about Fort Fridays on All About Boys I was inspired to make good use of the old sheets and create a massive tent for the kids. The size of the previous tents constructed have been restricted to the size of the sheet, often leading to yelling and complaining, “He pulled the tent down!” Factor in space taken up for chairs to hold the tent up and the actual sitting space is quite limited.
So….I started with 1 king top sheet, 1 queen top sheet, and 3 pillow cases.
I sewed them together on my machine in a haphazard fashion refusing to pin anything. It took, ten minutes at the most.
The result was a massive section of material roughly 10 feet x 25 feet. I could be exaggerrating here. I am just taking a guess. Put a queen sheet and a king sheet together and you will have the exact measurements.
The pillow cases spaced out created nice entry points into the tent.
When I peeked into the tent I saw this – Alex reading to Caroline while she sat quietly and listened. I am now putting him in charge of nap time.
The boys have requested I add another sheet onto the tent. I will certainly comply if it means more time pretending and less time asking to play the computer.
Any tents in your house this summer?
Undercover Veggie
Shhhh….my kids ate zucchini today but they have no idea.
Somewhere I failed as a parent in regards to my kids’ eating.
We are not one of those families where the kids eat everything on their plate.
“Oh, Johnny just loves his salmon with asparagus and sushi.”
No, it’s more, “Oh, Alex loves his hamburgers and grilled cheese,” over here.
But to be honest, I’m not really worried.
At one point my youngest sister ate only white food.
For years.
Mashed potatoes, pasta, mashed potatoes, pasta?
Seriously, I don’t know what she ate but she seems to be fine now.
Plus, her food groups have expanded to include green and red foods so there’s hope for my kids.
I have begun “sneaking in” veggies as a little backup for my confidence that all will be fine.
Caroline likes orange juice. In fact, she eats and drinks just about every fruit.
But not one vegetable. I’m sorry I misspoke, she is a corn on the cob connoisseur but that’s it.
So now she drinks her 3/4 orange juice and 1/4 carrot juice combo in the morning. She’s happy and I feel like I can color in one minor section of the food pyramid.
The boys are not much better since they do not stray far from salad and carrots.
I came across a banana chocolate chip zucchini bread recipe in blog world. What? One of these things is not like the other. Zucchini? There have been several gagging incidents at our dining room table over cooked zucchini. Amazingly, we’ve never had any gagging incidents from banana bread or chocolate chips.
Soooooo…I immediately printed out the recipe, gathered the ingredients, and made the bread this morning (naturally doubling the chocolate chips suggested).
I admit the smell was pretty enticing. When I announced the chocolate chip banana bread was ready there were whoops and hollers.
Well folks. Good news. Caroline ate her piece while Andrew had seconds and Alex had thirds. I am pretty sure they consumed exactly 0.05% of the daily serving suggestion for vegetables but it’s more than before.
Hmmm…anyone for turnip tiramisu?
***UPDATE*****
Apparently the one sitting where they consumed a large portion of the brad was a fluke. Alex & Andrew are now refusing to eat the the very same bread they fought over exactly one day ago. Excuse me while I go bash my head on a tree.
A Watched Pot
Last week as Alex was searching for something for lunch he asked me, “Do you know how to make mac n’cheese?”
I took it as an insult.
While I am admittedly a bad cook, I can at least make mac n’cheese.
From a box that is.
Let’s not get all crazy and make it from scratch.
Plus, I’ve made it a good hundred times or so for him. Doesn’t he remember at least one of those occasions?
Alex decided he was going to learn the very detailed and complex process of making this gourmet lunch.
I walked him through all the steps and watched as he proudly served his brother lunch.
Turns out his first attempt was so successful he decided to cook it again today. This time though he drove me crazy. Off and on. Off and on. Off and on went the lid.
I explained the phrase “A watched pot never boils” to him in hopes of getting him to walk away for a few minutes.
I should not have bothered.
He thought his idea was much better.
I cannot wait to see what he does when I explain, “A chip on your shoulder.”