My Lifetime Movie Life

There are times when I feel like my life is being filmed for a TV movie of the week for the Lifetime Channel.

And this is one of those times.

Two days before Valentine’s Day we received word from the federal attorneys that our adoption agency was being shut down.

As in goodbye, kaput, all gone, no more.

And our money that we had turned in?

It was also goodbye, kaput, all gone, no more.

Thousands and thousands of dollars.

We were informed that if we had received a referral the government would help us finish the adoption process.

We were literally next on the list to receive a referral.

So that leaves us, and one hundred other families, with no adoption to follow through with and federal attorneys who say it’s completely up to us if we want to try and get some of our money back. They can’t help us. They are going to keep us up to date on legal proceedings but helping us with money? Nope. Can’t do. Not our area folks.

See, just like a Lifetime movie.

But sadly there’s no Tom Selleck or Dana Delaney character who’s about to sweep in and take our case.

Believe me when I say I had no humor about this situation when it first happened.

I almost instantly became physically ill with a severe cold and eventually lost my voice.

I blame it on all the crying. and the crying. and the crying.

I had to run a Valentine’s Day party for my son in the initial midst of this and all I really wanted to do was run out of there and sit on the couch watching movies and eating girl scout cookies.

(Don’t even get me started on how many girls can go to camp this year because of my cookie intake in the last 3 weeks).

Even though adoption is something I had wanted to do my whole life, it’s not a decision my husband and I came to easy. There were miscarriages, heart to heart talks, and a long process to get us to the point of actually moving forward with the idea.

I have grumbled with God. Several times.

But God is funny.

Right before we’ve had big losses, I’ve always been offered a job, seemingly out of nowhere. I accept the job and with days to go before my start date something major will happen.

I think it’s God’s way of keeping me moving forward and having a different focus.

I also think I’m never going to take another job in my life. Seems like I might be able to head off some of these life moments.

OK, not true.

But if we win the lottery I might just stick to that thinking.

So I started my new job.

God said, “You think you’ve got problems? Go tutor these homeless kids and then tell me about your problems.”

My new job is tutoring elementary aged kids who are homeless. All of those words should never go together in a sentence but sadly they do.

They are homeless – some sleep in their cars at night, some have beds some of the time until an uncle gets angry and they sleep on the lawn that night with their mom, and some live in shelters.

But I tell you what. They are amazing, beautiful kids. They have the best smiles. They are so eager to learn. They are so happy. They have struggles yes, but they have joy.

And so I take my cue on living life from some 8 year olds who have it much tougher than me.

The past 3 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions but I feel good about where I am going with this whole life experience.

We are not quite sure what our next step is but that’s okay.We’ve got each other and we’ve got a roof over our heads.

The rest will work itself out.

And if it doesn’t, I’m sure I could hunt down Tom Selleck’s phone number from somewhere.

This entry was posted in adoption, observations, parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to My Lifetime Movie Life

  1. Jess says:

    Oh, Jen – I THOUGHT something was going on because you hadn’t been posting!! I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the disappointment and frustration. I’m glad that you’ve found this rewarding teaching job – and I know you’re making a positive impact in these kids’ lives. And at the very least you’ve made a lot of Girl Scouts very happy…. <3 A big, remote, internet hug to you….

  2. Krista says:

    So sorry to hear this Jen, heartbreaking. Hugs!

  3. Meghan says:

    This post breaks my heart. I thought something was wrong when I talked to you at Andrews Valentine’s party! I could see it in your face…the way you hesitated when I asked how you were doing. I am so sorry, I didn’t help more.

    I am so sorry you have had this hurdle in life. It breaks my heart to see such good, well intentioned, faithful people get completely shut down. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.

    I’m glad you have your new job. You always see the silver lining in things. If you ever need help with Caroline I have a spunky little 4 year old here that would love a playmate. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Much love Jennifer!

  4. Mindy says:

    Oh dear Jesus. That one sentence can be applied to your whole post.

  5. Colette says:

    Oh, Jen…. Oh, no. What awful, heart-breaking news. I’m so sorry that you all are having to go through this. I will pray for all of you.

  6. katie says:

    I was worried something was up when you weren’t posting. I am so sad and mad to read this, Jen. You guys are the perfect family for some sweet kiddo out there, and I’m sorry you’re having to wait so long to find him/her. Here for you if there is anything I can do. And, congrats o nthe new jo – sounds like a perfect fit for you.

  7. Jeanne says:

    I’m so sorry, Jennifer! And, for what it’s worth … I love you.

  8. This makes me so sad. What a huge disappointment for you and your family! Your new job sounds so challenging, yet rewarding! You can do it! I’m rooting for you!