Shopping with My Children

Shopping with my children is going to cost me big.

In fact, it’s starting to add up right now.

Just this morning we were in our neighborhood grocery store picking up a few items when it happened.


While holding my two year old, I began placing apples in a bag quickly. I was focused on buying the few items we needed and getting out of the store as fast as possible.

The boys, who had been following behind me, were now picking up fruit and weighing it on the scales. First an apple, then a cucumber, but then they decided they needed to go bigger, finally settling on an enormous Christmas melon.

Just as I turned around from the apples, I saw the melon fly from Alex’s hands and land on the ground. With a thud and a splat the melon split open.

Alex looked up at me with big eyes and said, “Oops.”

It was here where my moral drawbridge came crashing down. Without children I would have picked up the fruit, placed it gently back on its former resting space and walked away nonchalantly. My eyes  would have remained focused on the fruit in an attempt to avoid all eye contact with other customers or grocery store employees.

With kids though it’s another story.

If I walk away from the fruit while I’m with them, I’m convinced I’m leading them into a life of crime. When they are standing before Jugde Wapner and being sentenced the only statement they will give is, “Well sir (in my mind they may lead a life of crime but they will still be polite) I was just doing what my mother does. My mother once ripped a shirt trying it on and she just left it in the changing room.”

I let out a sigh and had Alex place the melon into our cart. I explained that if you damage something in a store you are still expected to pay for it. At least when you are with me.

So with my $3.79 melon combined with the $5.95 doll I had to buy earlier in the week due to my daughter ripping open the box, I am out $9.74.

So as you can see my children are costing me a fortune. I’m thinking of starting a tab for each one of my children. Each time they damage something in a store I’m taking it out of their first paycheck.

And I will be charging them interest.

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