I am closing in on what was my due date.
This pregnancy started with surprise, which led to excitement, which led to fear, which ended in grief. So now only sad memories are associated with this pregnancy and I would like to change that. Even though I cannot change the ending I can twist the ending into one associated with positive memories.
According to my doctor I was 20 weeks 3 days pregnant when I had my miscarriage. This equals 143 days.
I have decided I would like to complete 143 random acts of kindness which will correlate with the number of days I was pregnant.
I am calling it 143 Acts.
Some of what I have struggled with is – That’s it. He’s gone. The end. No one will remember him. Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? What’s the reason our family went through all of this?
Everyday, heartbreaking events “just happen.” There is no rhyme or reason, they just happen. They are not punishments, they are not tests, they just happen.
I may never know why we went through this but I know I can change my thoughts about it. Hopefully, each of his 143 days will mean something by 143 people getting a smile or a good feeling in their heart.
I will be keeping a list of the 143 acts. If you decide to carry out a random act of kindness, let me know and I will include you on the list. Periodically I will give you updates on my progress.
I have written up some ideas for random acts of kindness.
Hopefully this will help bring me some closure to the past 9 months while at the same time bringing a smile to others.
What a wonderful idea! I love that you are are sharing your baby through service to others. While they may not know your baby, they will always remember and appreciate the service you provide and you will have built a legacy and memory of your sweet baby. Thank you so much for giving us an opportunity to be part of this amazing project!
Love, love, LOVE this, Jen. What a great idea…and a good lesson for your kids as well. You are amazing!
So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I’m amazed at your 143 Acts idea to honor your lost child! May you be blessed by your service to others. Can’t wait to read your posts! BTW- start planning that 15 anniversary cruise now!
I am so sorry for your loss but I love your attitude and your effort to keep his beautiful memory alive. Such a wonderful idea!
Your son is smiling at you from somewhere, loving his sweet mama even more for her amazing acts of kindness and remembrance.
Love this!! I think it will be a terrific way for you and the family to get some closure! Love you!!
One great act that you’re already doing is bringing smiles to all of our faces with your amazing blog! Thanks for being so intimate and sharing such wonderful stories.
Really love your idea, extrememly kind and selfless.
I love this Jen and can’t stop thinking about it since yesterday. What a wonderful way to honor your son. Love you! You are an inspiration!
I love this idea to make something positive out of something so heartbreaking for you and your family. I am committed to your 143 Acts and will report back soon on my random acts of kindness! Love you!
You are such an amazing woman to do this! Such a positive idea.
I am IN ! I was 154 days in when I lost my Daughter…..And I still struggle with the questions, her memory, the reasons…..all of it. I am in .. I need to turn this around too……You are brave and I can be as brave. I am in ! (did I say that, sorry the tears are so deep I cant see !) I love you.
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I am holding you in my heart. What a grace-filled way to mark your child’s time with you.
So sorry for your loss and what a wonderful way to bring some good out of such a sad situation. FYI- in text 143 is code for “I love you”. Learned something from my 13 year old! It’s the number of letters in each word.