I am closing in on what was my due date.
This pregnancy started with surprise, which led to excitement, which led to fear, which ended in grief. So now only sad memories are associated with this pregnancy and I would like to change that. Even though I cannot change the ending I can twist the ending into one associated with positive memories.
According to my doctor I was 20 weeks 3 days pregnant when I had my miscarriage. This equals 143 days.
I have decided I would like to complete 143 random acts of kindness which will correlate with the number of days I was pregnant.
I am calling it 143 Acts.
Some of what I have struggled with is – That’s it. He’s gone. The end. No one will remember him. Why did this happen? What did I do wrong? What’s the reason our family went through all of this?
Everyday, heartbreaking events “just happen.” There is no rhyme or reason, they just happen. They are not punishments, they are not tests, they just happen.
I may never know why we went through this but I know I can change my thoughts about it. Hopefully, each of his 143 days will mean something by 143 people getting a smile or a good feeling in their heart.
I will be keeping a list of the 143 acts. If you decide to carry out a random act of kindness, let me know and I will include you on the list. Periodically I will give you updates on my progress.
I have written up some ideas for random acts of kindness.
Hopefully this will help bring me some closure to the past 9 months while at the same time bringing a smile to others.
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