Almost

I almost made it all day Saturday without crying.

Sunday I didn’t even come close. I was crying before 8 am.

Since coming home from the hospital on Wednesday night I had not left the house. I’m trying to follow the doctor’s orders of keeping it easy for 2 weeks and not lifting anything heavy (Caroline).

Well we decided to go out to dinner on the last night my parents were here. Babe’s Chicken House. Seems harmless enough. Except for the 40 minute wait. Tons of people, kids, and babies. I knew it would be tough to go out but I was completely overwhelmed with it all. Many times I almost grabbed the car keys from Derek so I could run back to the car and stay there. I kept tearing up when I would hear someone call a name we had considered or when a pregnant woman would go by. I kept thinking to myself, “Shoes. shoes. shoes. Think about shoes. Do not cry right here in the middle of Babe’s Chicken House for all of Frisco to see.” I managed to succeed and get into the restaurant for dinner. Dinner was great and I didn’t have any problems getting through it.

I think my emotional state had been building all day and it finally burst when I was toweling off from taking a shower that night.

It’s hard enough going through this process without all the “extras.”

Even though I have gone through the same motions for the past 3 days I was completely overwhelmed that night when I had to put an ace bandage around my chest again. I have to wrap my chest, use pads for a few weeks, and have hot flashes. All things you just deal with when having a baby. All good except for that I am missing one part of that equation.

I had a good cry and went to bed.

Sunday morning my parents were leaving. Just a hug from my mom and dad sent me over the edge again. I pretty much teetered between crying and dealing with life the rest of the day.

I know this will take time and it will get better but it sure is difficult right now.