Mother Effing Pain

Last week I had electrolysis.

Let that sink in.

On my bikini line.

Let that sink in.

The woman doing the procedure described it as “pin pricking.”

I would describe it as “Mother Effing Pain.”

Let me describe the stages of electrolysis on your bikini line.

Stage 1 – I am completely humiliated because while I am laying down on the table my pants are down at my knees and a woman is “checking me out.”

Now, I am no Sasquatch but you know, a girl can get a little self conscious when someone is checking you out down there with a magnifying glass.

Stage 2 – The first needle incision – Sharp but completely bearable.

Stage 3 – About 10 minutes into the procedure your leg starts flailing uncontrollably. You say, “Sorry,” about 20 times although you are secretly hoping you actually kick the technician in the head and knock her out so you can stop this and claim, “I didn’t want to stop but I had to because she couldn’t go on.”

Stage 4 – About 25 minutes in the procedure you think, “I. Can’t. Take. One. More. Minute. Of. This.”

Stage 5 – About 35 minutes into the procedure you think, “I’m fine, I got this.” Then your leg kicks out again and you think maybe not.

Stage 6 – Finally, she’s done. 45 minutes of mother effing pain. You hand her money and you walk out thinking, “I can conquer the world now. I’ll take you down. I am hairless. I am streamlined. Here me roar!”

2 thoughts on “Mother Effing Pain

  1. Oh. My. God. Hilarious. I can’t believe you went through with it. And why in the hell can’t you lay down?!?!

  2. omg- was it really that bad? I’m wondering whether it’s worse then waxing which is pretty painful

Comments are closed.