Mrs. Know It All

I was lucky enough to meet a woman who knows everything.

As in lucky, I mean she made me want to stab my eyes out as she spoke.

Being the only two token parents on a committee, we were seated next to each other while  ten teachers and two administrators looked on from other tables.

When introductions were required I stated that before staying home I taught special education and math at the elementary level.

Her credentials composed of currently being on six different committees in the community. With a flourish of her wrists, she added, “Giving back is what I do…I volunteer everyday of the week…My schedule is completely full…I just run from one place to another helping others who are less forunate than me…I don’t have any free time and I’m just exhausted at the end of the day….Volunteering, it’s just what I do.” Imagine this going on for another four minutes and my eyes rolling back in my head halfway into this speech.

You should have seen the look on the teachers’ faces. Utter disgust and complete apathy.

I wanted to crawl under a table since I know realized they were looking at me in same way. Given the proximity and the title of “parent” I am now guilty by association.

During the course of a break out session I learned from her that: 1) All standardized testing should be thrown out since it is worthless 2) Parents just need to make their children do their homework 3) Children should be scared of their parents to ensure discipline and 4) Her daughter would never do anything wrong because she has raised her right.

Good thing she has this parenting thing completely figured out.

Oh, did I mention her daughter is in kindergarten?

Mrs. Know-It-All and I have to meet three more times this year.

Just super.

Our next meeting focuses on the school budget. I am excited to find out how Mrs. Know-It-All will fix the budget concerns. It probably involves throwing out all of the district accountants because they’re worthless and maybe she’ll throw in the thought that teachers should just take a pay cut since it’s an 8 to 3 job.

Can’t wait for that meeting.

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