Words are powerful.
They can be arranged in so many ways. The arrangement can be helpful or hurtful.
When I told people I was pregnant with my fourth child I received many responses. I wrote down several which left a negative impression on me.
*Congratulations, I guess
*Wow, every time I see you, you are pregnant
*You do know how this keeps happening, right?
*Wow, you and your husband need to buy a tv
This baby was very much planned for, he just happened to have been conceived several months earlier than intended. But still, he was most definitely wanted. The responses shocked me but I saved them with a purpose in mind. My plan was to print them next to a picture of our new baby and say how callous people could be about such an amazing event.
Well, that wasn’t to be. But I still remember the words.
Yesterday, someone’s words stung me unintentionally.
I had my yearly appointment with my gynecologist/obgyn. As I sat naked on the examining table with only two paper cloths covering me, I found it unbelievable I could hear the heartbeat check of someone else’s baby in the next room. As clear as a muffled beat can be, I could hear it.
My doctor came in and said, “Hello…How’s the baby?”
?
?
?
I finally managed to spit out, “You mean the two year old?”
“Sure, two is still a baby.”
Then she actually opened my file. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I forgot.”
I’ve seen this woman roughly four times in the past 9 weeks. I should look somewhat familiar. At the very least, she should have opened my file before coming in.
“How’s the baby?” 3 simple yet powerful words. Words that still make my heart hurt.
Jen, my heart still hurts for you & your family. I’m glad you’re writing/blogging about your experience. Hoping that helps with some healing. Can’t wait to see you soon!
Jen,
I am praying for you. So so sorry for your loss.
Danielle
I wonder what comments my mother got when she announced that she was pregnant with me (I was number 9, but I would have been number 11 if she had not had two miscarriages before me). When I tell people I am #9, they usually ask “Are you Catholic?” or make some comment about my parents’ sex life…which, frankly, I would rather not think about even if I were an only child. I just try to let it go, because I am 100% sure that I have made dumb comments myself.
Wow – Some people just don’t know any better saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, but your doctor? That’s just awful!
As I was reading this, I was thinking back to what I said….. I hope I showed the proper excitement that I felt for you, knowing that you were aiming for 4 wonderful children. I had a similar experience with my (former) internist. He had always been on me about my weight at my yearly visits. About 2 weeks after I lost my baby and was in the hall of his office standing on the scales, he walked by and made a comment about my weight. I was ready to kill him! I almost walked out right then, but I was sick and need something to make me better. His comment will never be forgotten.