I swim several times a week on a masters swim team. This is also fondly known as old people trying to reclaim their youth while talking about every ailment they have.

I happen to be the oldest person one night a week at one practice. (I assure you the rest of the time I am one of the youngest but this practice is just an anomaly.) For this practice I am surrounded by 20 somethings trying to flirt with one another constantly. Somehow the fact that I have 3 kids turns some of them off.

I go to practice for the exercise but I also go for the drama. There’s lots of it. It’s like I’m watching a live version of As the World Turns.

Jason and Amy, both swimmers, are dating each other. No I’m not using their real names.

Jason is a young guy who struts around the pool with his gold chain around his neck, attitude galore, and little workout suit. Amy is an adorable, blonde, outgoing teacher. Can you tell who’s side I’m on yet?

The two have been dating for about a year. After 4 months of dating Jason moved in with Amy. After 6 months, Amy posted something to this effect on Facebook, “What do you guys think about a roommate who doesn’t pay for anything.” The message was taken down within hours. Apparently Jason had paid for nothing. No food. No electricity. No rent.

They broke up.

They started dating again.

Eventually he wore her down (in my opinion) and she agreed to let him move back in. He apparently was thrilled but then asked her, “Can you come clean my room at my mom’s house? She wants it clean before I leave.”

No friggin’ joke!

They broke up againn.

They started dating again.

He wore her down once again and she let him move in.

Then the other night.

I could tell something was up in the pool when Amy was on deck for a long time talking to our coach and Jason would stop practically every lap. Once she did get in he tried to grab her hands and pull her toward him. Amy wanted nothing of it.

By the way, in case you are wondering. I was not spying. They were in the lane next to me. I had goggles on. I had to see what was going on. Correct freestyle form requires a person to look forward. Glad we got that cleared up.

After practice a couple of us called the coach over where he gladly spilled the beans.

Apparently before practice Jason had told Amy she was getting fat. AND THEN as if it couldn’t get worse. STARTED MAKING OINKING SOUNDS AT HER….FOR A FULL MINUTE.

Just in case you are wondering, Amy is probably 110 pounds on a 5-7 frame. The girl is not fat. He is a moron and hopefully single soon.

I can’t wait for the next practice to find out what happens.