My goal for today is the same goal I have for every national holiday.

Somehow I never accomplish it.

My goal is to not be that neighborhood idiot who goes and checks to see if they have any mail.

Every. Single. National. Holiday. I. Am. Out. There.

Once I’ve opened the mailbox, seen no mail, and remembered there should be no mail, I have to do the walk of shame back to my house, casually glancing this way and that way, hoping no one saw me this time.

Wishing you all a wonderful Memorial Day and hoping none of you take the walk of shame with me.